Fear

Today just like a lot of other days in the past, I feel scared. There is this strange feeling that arises from the pit of my stomach reaching to my chest that tells me “Lay down, sleep, don’t work” because at this moment life does not make sense. The success I had is diminished to a small dot, the failures have become huge monsters, the optimism that I had is now curled up in a corner refusing to speak.

Why do I feel this, I often ask myself. Because my professional life is not that great? or perhaps my love life isn’t? well there are a number of reasons honestly. I am sharing a part of me with people out there because I think I am not the only one struggling with it, there must be others!

Now that I have put more thought into this, I think most of our fear comes from our insecurities. Not being good enough but the question stands who is? Isn’t being good enough subjective to perception? Or If people around us were happy and proud of us, will that change how we feel about ourselves. There are so many questions once you put your mind to it. But the truth is we are all flawed, with some flaws that can be fixed and some that will stay with you all your life like your shadow. For example, as an engineer, I often feel I am not really good at what I do, and when I compare myself to others it is so disheartening. Now, some of my good folks will point out “Hey, don’t compare yourself with others” but even when I try, I end up comparing, and at this point, I have realized it is a very human thing to do!

So, is there a partial fix to all of this? A fix to the fear, and insecurities. Well, I don’t think there is a permanent solution and I speak from personal experience which I don’t think amounts to a lot since I am in my 20s but I surely do cope with things like this and if this somehow creates a difference in your life then perhaps I have at least achieved one thing. I helped someone.

I listen to people around me, look at people who are struggling the same as me and there is a weird comfort in knowing that I am not the only one. My loved ones often tell me “You are good enough and you are trying your best”, I have realized that this doesn’t affect you in the short run but does change your perception about yourself in the long run. I have realized that each one of us is on a unique journey to figure things out and be at peace with ourselves, that is the ultimate goal my friend because when it comes to it, isn’t that what you have been trying to do. Being happy with yourself, calming that unsettling storm you feel from time to time. The fear is a sign of being human and a sign that you need to sit down and think about why it is happening and finally think if you can do something about it, it might not be an immediate solution and that’s okay. Fear and insecurities are okay, So this is me here writing about what I feel because this is a way of coping for me and a way to put my voice out there and I am yelling.

You are good enough as long as you are trying your best, we are all flawed!

Then under my breath, I am saying.

If you don’t believe that a lot of times, it’s okay I don’t either often but I try to believe at my loved ones who are smiling at me and saying the same thing.

I would like to finish this today with that and an apology if all of this doesn’t exactly make sense.

I am doing the best I can BAHAHA! So if you are reading this, deal with it! :< while I try to improve myself. :, )

Thank you for your love!

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A software engineer, orator, video editor, chef (At least for myself), singer (Not exactly good), artist (Decent one) and a writer (Okayish one).

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